Unspoken words #1

You're probably one of the most annoying person in my world, yet you're also one of the most important soul to me. You've been there since my very beginning, though I'm not sure if I should thank you for it because to be honest, I don't really want to begin anything in the first place. But here I am, and there you are. God put me in this world and crossed our paths. It's not easy at all to be related to you. It's emotionally consuming. Yes, you heard me. It's not easy. It's getting harder each day, but at the same time something positively odd is growing out of this.

Having to play the role as a rock for you to lean on is killing me, yet I am fully aware of the fact that this role turns me to be a thousand times stronger each day. I grow in your pain; and your streams of tears awake the sense of independence within me. And this sense of independence is unfortunately too strong, to the point where I'm often oblivious to the existence of the good-hearted people around me.

You can often be destructive, but along the way I've developed my own defense-mechanism of coping. It's neither your fault, nor mine. I love you to the bones despite of everything; I can accept your weakness and love you for the person that you are. I may not always be able to verbally offer you the emotional support or cry with you like I used to, but mark my words, I'll be there with you through thick and thin. Your pain is mine as well and I'd be glad to lend my shoulder for you to lean on, and my lap for you to rest. When the devil strikes again, we don't have to say a word; we can just sit in silence while we wait for the storm to pass.

I'm not sure if you've done more damage than good to me. The 13-year-old-me would definitely say that more destruction rather than good has been done. Meanwhile, the 19-year-old-me would probably say the opposite because she is more than old enough to understand what you've been going through all this time. 

You taught me many things and I am thankful for the values you've passed down to me. You deserve sunshine and all the happiness in the world.